Building of the Week - Award Show Ed.

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2024 Annual Building of the Week Awards

FADE IN:

INT. A GRAND THEATER - NIGHT

The camera pans across a luxurious, Art Deco-style theater filled with an audience buzzing with excitement. On the stage, a lone microphone stands under a spotlight. The curtains part dramatically, revealing the HOST (Late 20s, charismatic and a little too honest for her own good), wearing a floor-length black gown. If you asked her about it, she’d strike a pose and tell you that she rented it from Nuuly. She strides confidently to the mic.

HOST

(cheerfully)

Good evening, everyone! It is my honor to welcome you to the First Ever, Yet Somehow Annual Building of the Week Awards!!

(Applause erupts from the audience. The HOST waits a beat, grinning.)

For those of you who don’t know me, what’s that all about? I’m Sara Regnier, the head writer for Building of the Week and I’ll be your host this evening. 

Tonight, we celebrate not just architecture but the stories, scandals, and sheer personality that make these structures unforgettable. From cutting-edge designs to backstories so wild they’d make even the tabloids blush — this is the night we give buildings their due! Let’s get this show started!

(Audience cheers with excitement.)

HOST - now known as SARA (cont'd)

Some people think money makes the world go round. And you know what? They’re right. But a close second is gossip! Or, as the youths call it these days, “tea.”

(SARA pauses for audience laughter. There is none.)

Gossip, juicy factoids, shocking backstories — these are the modern currency, and tonight, we’re here to celebrate the best of the best. So without further ado, let’s get into it!

(Sara pulls out a golden envelope from her inside pocket with a theatrical flourish.)

Our first category: Juiciest Tea Award!

CUT TO: MONTAGE OF NOMINEES

• LITTLE ISLAND (Week 33)

  
  

• CURSED BURGER KING (Week 20)

  
  

• TILTED TOWERS AKA SEAPORT RESIDENCES (Week 18)

  
  

• LIBERTY TOWER (Week 9)

CUT BACK TO: SARA

SARA

(opens envelope)

And the winner is...

(beat, fumbling with the envelope)

LITTLE ISLAND!!!

(Audience cheers. Cut to a wide shot of the room. The spotlight lands on BARRY DILLER (80s, media mogul), seated in the audience next to his wife, DIANE VON FÜRSTENBERG. They kiss for an awkwardly long time. The applause wanes, but Barry finally makes his way to the stage, tripping on his stunning Dior gown. The audience gasps, then laughs politely as Barry waves it off.)

BARRY DILLER

(at the mic, smug)

F*ck Douglas Durst and his murderous brother, Robert! Little Island, may you live forever!!

(The audience reacts with scattered laughter and polite applause.)

SARA

Wow! Not sure if we can curse here, but... fuck it!

(She shrugs, grinning mischievously.)

Next up, we have a category close to my heart: Best Personal Story Award!

As we all know, I'm a yapper. Both a blessing and a curse, I love to tell a story. I also don’t believe in “too much information”. This deadly duo leads to some incriminating yet riveting tales. The nominees for the Best Personal Story Award are…

CUT TO: MONTAGE OF NOMINEES

• THE EL DORADO APARTMENTS (Week 6)

• SKINTY BUILDING (Week 7)

• LA ESQUINA (Week 21)  

  
  

• THE MCKITTRICK HOTEL (Week 30)  

  
  

CUT BACK TO: SARA

SARA  

(opens envelope)  

And the award goes to...  

(dramatic pause, Sara’s eyes water as she chokes up from joy.)

THE EL DORADO APARTMENTS!!!  

(Applause and barking fill the theater. DUFFY, a muddy golden retriever, runs up to the stage, tail wagging furiously.)  

DUFFY  

bark bark!  

(DUFFY promptly leaves the stage. SARA is momentarily speechless, then bursts into laughter.)  

SARA  

Everyone, give it up for Duffy! That guy LOVES mud! Almost as much as his wife, am I right?!  

(DUFFY suddenly returns to the stage, eyes narrowed. Without warning, he slaps SARA across the fucking face. The crowd gasps. Luckily, SARA handles the situation with grace.)  

SARA  

IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE!!!  

(She smoothes out her gown from Nuuly, she has to return it later this week. She tries to maintain composure.)  

Well, that was certainly a Building of the Week Award Show first! In fact, everything that happens tonight is a Building of the Week Award Show first! How neat! Moving right along to our next category: Best Architectural Design Award.

Arguably the backbone of this institution, my novice yet fervent love for architecture is what started all of this. Design has the power to inspire you, to enrage you, and to make you go “hm, nice.” This prestigious category doesn’t discriminate based on architectural style, but I do. Brutalist Architecture, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! 

(The audience chuckles. She didn’t mean it as a joke. She was serious. SARA pulls out another golden envelope.)  

SARA (cont’d)

How exciting! We had some write-ins for this category! A futile, yet appreciated effort from all you fans out there. The nominees for Best Architectural Design are...  

CUT TO: MONTAGE OF NOMINEES  

• TIMBER HOUSE (Week 26)  

  
  

• BATTERY MARITIME BUILDING (Week 19) 

• WARREN STREET HOTEL (Week 4)  

  
  

• ST. PATRICK'S CATHEDRAL (Week 1)  

  
  

• TWA TERMINAL (Week 38)  

  
  

• ZAHA HADID BUILDING (Week 24)  

  
  

CUT BACK TO: SARA

SARA  

And the winner is...  

(She looks at the card for a while before hesitantly speaking.)   

La La Land 

(The entire La La Land team leaps up, ecstatic. The crowd roars with cheers and applause. Three speeches in, a commotion arises backstage. The lead producer storms forward, holding an official BOTW Award card.)  

PRODUCER  

St. Patrick’s Cathedral won. Not us. There was a mistake. St. Patrick, get up here!

(The crowd laughs nervously as ST. PATRICK timidly approaches the stage.)  

ST. PATRICK  

(awkwardly)  

Uh, wow! What a blessed honor! I really cannot thank the academy enough. I was the very first Building of the Week and it’s been such an amazing experience watching more and more buildings join this prestigious institution. It brings tears to my eyes that Sara would still think so fondly of me after I hexed both her and Parker with gastronomic distress whilst they were in my vicinity. Thank you for this, and, um, sorry to La La Land!  

(The crowd applauds warmly.)  

SARA  

Ha! I don’t know whose fault that was but it certainly wasn’t mine. What a way to christen an award show! Luckily we have a saint here!

(The crowd chuckles. The camera zooms in on ST. PATRICK, who is just barely getting back to his seat. He simply smiles politely because he didn't fully hear what SARA just said, but he also doesn't want to be rude.)

SARA (cont’d)

You’re telling me the first building I ever wrote about is the one that won the biggest award? This seems like fate as we approach the one-year mark next week!

Thank you all for such a lovely and eventful evening. You’ve been a wonderful audience, and I can’t wait to be your host again next year. Toodaloo!!

(The audience applauds, some shed a tear or two. It’s not like this is a big deal or anything. It’s just the First Ever, Yet Somehow Annual Building of the Week Awards.)

FADE OUT.

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Guys… maybe writing dialogue is my passion.

Thank you to everyone who voted! I thoroughly enjoyed combing through everyone's responses Big Brother style. Your participation in this silly endeavor of mine means so much to me, so thank you :)

For some reason, last week's BOTW had some trouble getting sent out. I think it's because I was literally on a plane in the sky while trying to send it the first time. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend you do! It's all about Times Square and I had a ton of fun writing it. Here is the link!

Anyhoo, see you next week! Toodaloo!

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